Why follow people you don’t know on social networking sites?

Shills and shameless self-promoters like me will always try to sell you on the idea of befriending everyone!

But seriously, it’s all about what you want from your social network.

If you think that from a career perspective, it’s more advantageous for you to restrict your friends list to those that you’ve actually met, then do that.

But for an old shill like me — because I’m here and not where I’d probably feel more of the benefits I’m looking for, like being in the US — I concentrate on friendships with people who I’m unlikely to meet any time soon.

But thinking this through, just because you’ve met someone, does that automatically make them a friend?

I’ve met people personally that I have less of an attachment to than someone I know through blogging who I’ve never met.

I wouldn’t consider you a friend, but we do know each other and don’t seem to dislike each other, either.

The problem with all this social networking malarkey is that we’re bending the very definition of the word “friend” all out of shape…

*nods* That is a good thought, Wayne– really, if your goal is to reach the widest audience possible that will be able to have a conversation about content or activities, it doesn’t make sense to exclude. I guess that’s why I’ve naturally let some networks fill up with a bunch of interesting, but not necessarily met, people, and some remain for my closest pals. Perhaps the percentage discrepancy above is actually a sign of the system working correctly…

And absolutely right about the “friend” thing too. I really value your comment, for instance, because you are a million times more experienced with this sort of topic than anyone I know in real life that could comment. Stepping back for a minute, the chances that someone we know personally would find any one of our blog topics interesting is a lot less than someone randomly chosen from the internet community. Perhaps the whole idea of branching out is to find more people that connect with you on different levels.

I really like how some sites handle the ‘friend malarkey;’ for instance, Flickr does a great job of having non-reflexive ‘contact, friend, and family’ labels, and BrightKite allows me to friend someone, but not have to automatically subscribe to their streams if I choose not to.

Mel, your thought that “a person before becoming a friend is always an unknown person” might be the best bit of insight on this page today! That’s an excellent point. This need is tripled when you’re interacting with someone from a different culture, as both you and Wayne hit upon.

Thanks for commenting!

With the exception of Facebook, where at first I was friending mostly friends and colleagues from Case Western Reserve, I’d have to say that most of my social media friends are people I met online. As Wayne mentions, here online we’ve been bending the definition of “friend” in a variety of ways, but I think whether we meet online or in the real world is less important than the connections that are made.

You and Wayne are friends of mine, not so much because we’ve mutually friended one another on Pownce and other services, but because we have common interests, humor and conversation. No we’re not likely to run into each other in person, but the Internet allows us to associate despite geographic inconvenience.

Also like the real world I think we’ll all develop different levels of friendship with our online associates. Some will be mere acquaintances and remain that way while others become closer, people we rely upon for their ideas and opinions.

This is true both on a social level and a business level. As much as I enjoy the friends I’ve made online, I’m also connecting with peers in the Web development world. Instead of relying on a peer network locally, I now have contacts in my field scattered around the globe. It’s invaluable to have such a resource at one’s fingertips.

In this shrinking world it’s impossible to predict what impact these people may have on our lives. You could apply for a job in 5 years only to discover that an online friend knows the hiring manager. Or perhaps you’ll move somewhere where your online friends can guide you to choice of neighborhood. Anything could happen.

Getting back to your last question, I’ll friend back most people on Twitter but am fussier on Pownce. The latter is where I spend my time so I don’t want to clutter my stream. Thus I’ll read through a few posts to get a sense before accepting requests. If their are no public posts to review I’ll leave the person in fan mode. If they cross-post their Tweets to Pownce and don’t reply to things I may unfriend them. It’s not about where they are so much as to how they communicate within that environment.

Heidi me have a similar approach to friends. I frequently prune my friend lists on the different services.

Certainly got a conversation going, Andy!

Great thoughts, Heidi– thanks for commenting. I actually had a dream last night that you scolded me for not giving you enough anchor text in this post. I might be getting a little obsessed…

I agree with what you said, for the most part. When I think about all the possible interactions I could have, though, I have a feeling that a great face-to-face interaction is capable of a level of connection that online interaction isn’t (maybe this is my less tech-oriented family speaking, here). This is what gets me really excited about the services that add a digital communication layer to what already exists in the real world, services like Brightkite and Dodgeball, for instance.

I’m thinking I need to do some snipping myself to make Pownce useable for me, too! It got to be too much to keep up with and I fell out of it, but I miss the great content that’d scroll through my screen every day.

Hah! How funny. I’m now trying to imagine myself scolding you for not giving me more prominent linkspace. (perhaps a blinking (not!) H1 header) That said I was honored to be listed in the first place.

I know what you mean about face-to-face interaction. For example I prefer meeting my friends in person to chatting with them on the phone. They in turn adjust to the fact that I have a tendency to misplace my mobile because I consider it to be more of a small electronic addressbook than a communications necessity.

That said I’ve had great conversations in person as well as lame ones. The same can be said for life online. I think it depends on the people, their mood, the topic, etc. And while we don’t have body language and eye contact to rely on, I think if, we write with care, we can still convey quite a bit from the keyboard.

And yes, sometimes we have to prune the friends list. The good thing is it isn’t personal. The people I remove probably don’t even notice…they’re too busy posting things to bother replying to anything in the first place.

Hah! How funny. I’m now trying to imagine myself scolding you for not giving me more prominent linkspace. (perhaps a blinking (not!) H1 header) That said I was honored to be listed in the first place.

I know what you mean about face-to-face interaction. For example I prefer meeting my friends in person to chatting with them on the phone. They in turn adjust to the fact that I have a tendency to misplace my mobile because I consider it to be more of a small electronic addressbook than a communications necessity.

That said I’ve had great conversations in person as well as lame ones. The same can be said for life online. I think it depends on the people, their mood, the topic, etc. And while we don’t have body language and eye contact to rely on, I think if, we write with care, we can still convey quite a bit from the keyboard.

And yes, sometimes we have to prune the friends list. The good thing is it isn’t personal. The people I remove probably don’t even notice…they’re too busy posting things to bother replying to anything in the first place.

For a long time, I only friended people on LiveJournal who I had met in person, but as I started interacting with other people on my friends comment pages, I started opening up. As a result, I’ve made some of my best friends. Most of our wedding party was made up of people who we met through LiveJournal in some capacity. Some live nearby, others flew in - some have moved here since we’ve met.

For me, social networks used to be a way to keep in touch with people I already knew. Now, it’s become a way to make new connections (something you can never have too many of) and to maintain old ones.

Hehe, Heidi, no problem. You’re a perfect example of someone that I share a bunch in common with, but you’re also an extremely valuable resource to someone less familiar with these topics as myself! So you’re multifunctional!

This issue might be one of the reasons why I dislike services like FriendFeed, I’ve been thinking– the fact that the number of friends you can convert to the service is never greater than the number of friends on the original services themselves. I’m not doing a good job explaining myself, I think this might be my next post!

And Joe, that’s a really great anecdote and just goes to show how meaningful originally online friends and acquaintances can be!

And you’re absolutely right on that one: You can never have too many connections.

Thanks for commenting!

I work for a social media company called Techrigy. We make a web app that monitors social media (blogs, wikis, embedded video, etc.). I run searches with our software for ‘Social Media’, then filter these results into a folder that stores all of my results that come from Twitter. When I come across someone who works for a PR agency, or anyone who wants to monitor social media, I follow them on Twitter in hopes they will be swayed to our product.

Hehe, I like that– using your own product to help promote the same product! Looks like a great company providing a great service that’s going to be crucial for any brand looking to get a leg up on the competition.

I like how you offer Freemium options too; I might have to take a closer look at that for myself in a little bit!

Thanks for your comment!